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I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Night
Closets
Home
Bedroom
Nauseous
Floor
Moth
Month
Moths
Months
Laying
Went
Jacket
Sports
Jackets
Came
Closet

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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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Not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.
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I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public quite brilliantly.
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I never have an alter ego in the movies. That's a fiction that the press has made up over the years, and it's fun to write that. It gives them something to write.
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Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.
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Boy, the food at this place is really terrible. The other one says, Yeah, I know and such small portions. Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.
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Subjectivity is objective.
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We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
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When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?
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Sex on Twitter can't hurt you - unless you fall off.
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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
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Some people think about sex all the time some people think of sex some of the time and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.
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If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative
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While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.
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With films, I just scribble a couple of notes for a scene. You don't have to do any writing at all, you just have your notes for the scene, which are written with the actors and the camera in mind. The actual script is a necessity for casting and budgeting, but the end product often doesn't bear much resemblance to the script--at least in my case.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
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There's no correlation between what the public likes and what I'm after. I'm in a different world.
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