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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen I want to live on in my apartment.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Live
Countrymen
Heart
Apartment
Work
Immortality
Witty
Humorous
Hearts
Dying
Achieve

More quotes by Woody Allen

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The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other.
Woody Allen
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In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
Woody Allen
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Child molestation is a touchy subject... Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!
Woody Allen
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Woody Allen
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I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
Woody Allen
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
Woody Allen
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If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.
Woody Allen
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
Woody Allen
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When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane.
Woody Allen
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Woody Allen
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I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
Woody Allen
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I can live in Paris for four months or London or, you know, Barcelona. These are places that are like New York. But I don't think I could live in many places. When I had to make a film in the United States I picked San Francisco because to me it's one of the great cities of America.
Woody Allen
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
Woody Allen
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.
Woody Allen
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.
Woody Allen
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There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
Woody Allen
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If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me.
Woody Allen
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
Woody Allen
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If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
Woody Allen
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I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.
Woody Allen