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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Love
Retarded
Sarcastic
Match
Angel
Heaven
Made

More quotes by Woody Allen

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I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
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Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
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The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.
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I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers
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The best an idea gets is when its in your head.
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The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing.
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All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
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When I started out, I was a television writer, and we wrote a television show that was on live every week. And you didn't have the luxury of coming in and waiting to be inspired. You came in and you had to write. And you wrote, because it was going to be live on the air. So I can do that.
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My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
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Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.
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I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.
Woody Allen
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Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Woody Allen
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I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.
Woody Allen