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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Angel
Heaven
Made
Love
Retarded
Sarcastic
Match

More quotes by Woody Allen

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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.
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Culturally speaking, I was raised in a Jewish household. In addition to the religious side of it, I was taught respect for books and learning and the higher professions like medicine and law and teaching.
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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday
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If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
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While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
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Existence for eternity could get a little boring... especially towards the end.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.
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I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
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My films are misinterpreted all the time. I don't mind that. Everybody's films are misinterpreted. But there's no malice or stupidity in the people that misinterpret them. You know what you do, but someone else sees it, and they want to talk about it or write about it, and so they misinterpret them.
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When you work from city to city or country to country, you work the same way the working method is the same.
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen