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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Funny
Rarely
Pokes
Problem
Meat
Squarely
Like
Drama
Confronts
Humor
Poke
Problems
Dessert
Comedy
Plate
Bits
Potatoes
Rather
Plates
More quotes by Woody Allen
In real life I'm not the character I play in my films. I'm reasonably competent, I work very hard, I'm disciplined, I lead a very middle class life. I work in the mornings, I have lunch, I practise my clarinet, I go to the movies, I eat out in restaurants or watch ball games on television or at the ball games.
Woody Allen
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
Woody Allen
No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
Woody Allen
You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.
Woody Allen
I never considered myself an artist. I aspire to be an artist, but I never thought I had the depth or substance or gift to be an artist. I do think I have some talent, but it doesn't go as far as being an artist.
Woody Allen
The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.
Woody Allen
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
Woody Allen
My Lord, my Lord! What hath Thou done lately?
Woody Allen
I'd like to make a great movie. I've made many movies. I think I've made some good movies, but I never felt I've made a great movie.
Woody Allen
Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
Woody Allen
A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.
Woody Allen
None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them.
Woody Allen
People make films for different reasons. For money. Or, they make them because something in them demands artistic expression. I do it because I enjoy the work.
Woody Allen
Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw.
Woody Allen
In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.
Woody Allen
In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
Woody Allen
That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
Woody Allen
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Woody Allen
When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?
Woody Allen
Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted.
Woody Allen