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Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Frozen
Cook
Cooks
Bother
Dinner
Dinners
Suck
Bothers
More quotes by Woody Allen
To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
Woody Allen
Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.
Woody Allen
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
Woody Allen
A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Woody Allen
Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one
Woody Allen
The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.
Woody Allen
I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
Woody Allen
I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
Woody Allen
90 per cent of success is turning up.
Woody Allen
It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely.
Woody Allen
There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It's conceivable that you will change but it's not likely.
Woody Allen
When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
Woody Allen
I have great faith in the actors. When they improvise, it always sounds better than the stuff I write in my bedroom. When they improvise, they make it sound alive.
Woody Allen
That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
Woody Allen
All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.
Woody Allen
Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
Woody Allen
Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted.
Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen
Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.
Woody Allen
