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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Horrible
Humor
Funny
Life
Divided
Miserable

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Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever.
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Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.
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I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
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I've always liked, someday the lamb will lay by the lion.... but it won't get much sleep.
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The best things in life are censored.
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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.
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I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident.
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In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
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