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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Horrible
Humor
Funny
Life
Divided
Miserable
More quotes by Woody Allen
The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't.
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I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
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You mellow too much you ripen and rot.
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.
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When I'm not working, I think and I think when I get depressed.
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I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something.
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
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In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.
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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
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I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film.
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Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.
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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy.
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
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Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
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