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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Horrible
Humor
Funny
Life
Divided
Miserable
More quotes by Woody Allen
I don't mind dying... as long as I don't have to be there when it happens.
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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
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Let's say there was a burning building and you could rush in and you could save only one thing: either the last known copy of Shakespeare's plays or some anonymous human being. What would you do?
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
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Subjectivity is objective.
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The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
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Some people think about sex all the time some people think of sex some of the time and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction.
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Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
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I'm really impotent against the overwhelming bleakness of the universe and the only thing I can do is my little gift [filmmaking] and do it the best I can, [...] which is cold comfort.
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In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
Woody Allen
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Woody Allen
Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
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When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane.
Woody Allen
