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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Parents
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Rooms
Parent
Rented
Funny
Kidnapped
Action
Snapped
Parenthood
Room
More quotes by Woody Allen
Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.
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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
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I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.
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I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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It's all through the actors I cannot write in that idiom
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My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
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My films are misinterpreted all the time. I don't mind that. Everybody's films are misinterpreted. But there's no malice or stupidity in the people that misinterpret them. You know what you do, but someone else sees it, and they want to talk about it or write about it, and so they misinterpret them.
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No one ever wants the whole script. I give the whole script to people who require the whole script but to those people who don't require the whole script I don't give it to them and no one cares. They're relieved not to have to read extra pages that they're not in.
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Paranoia is knowing all the facts.
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
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All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.
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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
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I've been lucky because my films have consistently made a profit, almost all of them have made a profit. Never a huge profit, but nobody gets hurt. And therefore I get a lot of freedom.
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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood I was breast-fed through falsies.
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Everything in life turns out to be a distraction from the real thing you want to do. There are a million distractions and when I was a kid I was very disciplined. I knew that the other kids weren't. I was the one able to do the thing, not because I had more talent, maybe less, but because they simply weren't applying themselves.
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I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
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I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.
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If you're born with a gift, to behave like it's an achievement is not right.
Woody Allen
