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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Teddy
Live
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Bears
More quotes by Woody Allen
I don't like to meet the actor and have a lot of conferences and talk about their sub-life and their off-screen life and their back stories and all that nonsense, because it never means anything.
Woody Allen
Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
Woody Allen
I'm awash in self-contempt!
Woody Allen
I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.
Woody Allen
I can do a limited amount of things and that's what I do and I feel comfortable doing it and I have no particular desire to do anything else as an actor.
Woody Allen
I see no advantages in aging whatsoever. You become shriveled. You become decrepit. You lose your faculties. Your peer group passes away. You sit in a room gumming your porridge. I don't see any advantage in this whatsoever.
Woody Allen
Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
Woody Allen
Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
Woody Allen
I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
Woody Allen
Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
Woody Allen
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
Woody Allen
You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.
Woody Allen
Usually, you hire people that you think are wonderful.
Woody Allen
Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.
Woody Allen
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
Woody Allen
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
Woody Allen
Showing up is 80 percent of life.
Woody Allen
We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses.
Woody Allen
Those who can't do, teach!
Woody Allen
Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
Woody Allen
