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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Crib
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Teddy
Live
Parenting
Think
Liked
Thinking
Bear
Bears
Parents
Humor
More quotes by Woody Allen
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Woody Allen
For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Woody Allen
Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.
Woody Allen
A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
Woody Allen
My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
Woody Allen
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Woody Allen
I've always liked, someday the lamb will lay by the lion.... but it won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen
If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
Woody Allen
New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it's a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. But I also would be very happy to make a film in Paris or Rome.
Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
Woody Allen
I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person.
Woody Allen
Those who can't do, teach!
Woody Allen
If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would be sitting there and be thinking, Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate? Who wants to think about that stuff
Woody Allen
Visually I've always liked the 20s 30s for film. I do these because I like the music. I like the clothes. I like the way the women and the guys look. There are soldiers and sailors and gangsters with the machine guns in their violin cases. It's a very colorful era of New York, full of great theater and great nightclubs and great jazz.
Woody Allen
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.
Woody Allen
Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
Woody Allen
I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.
Woody Allen
Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.
Woody Allen
My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.
Woody Allen
