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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Funny
Teddy
Live
Parenting
Think
Liked
Thinking
Bear
Bears
Parents
Humor
Parent
Crib

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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.
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I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
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I know what I think but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe I could get a little bit drunk and dance it for you.
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Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.
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I hope you're getting this down.
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!
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I can make films. And some of them come out good, and some of them come out better, and some of them come out worse. But I've been very lucky over the years to be able to sustain the length of career that I've had.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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