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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Men
Consists
Parts
Fun
Two
Body
Mind

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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
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I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields.
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To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it.
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I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again.
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Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.
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Chastity is curable, if detected early.
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If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently.
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
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I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
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I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
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I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.
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I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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Love may be the answer, but even though you're watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
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I don't want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.
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