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The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Portions
Terrible
Food
Small

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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy.
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I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
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If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
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Many people who get a lot of money are willing to work with me for no money. This is true.
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In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
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At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.
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I am two with nature.
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My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it.
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The wicked at heart probably know something.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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No Matter what you do there will be critics.
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I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.
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My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
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