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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Person
Witty
Done
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Miserable
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Films
More quotes by Woody Allen
Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.
Woody Allen
I never thought I was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. With people as cruel to each other as they are, it's a terrible proposition. The best of lives are sad and tragic. The best of them. My general conclusion is that it's not a nice thing to do. The world doesn't need it. The kid doesn't need it.
Woody Allen
Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
Woody Allen
My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it.
Woody Allen
I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep.
Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Woody Allen
Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.
Woody Allen
Some of the best memories of my childhood that I have are the times that I played hooky from school so I could spend my days in the public library reading all the wonderful books at my disposal.
Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Woody Allen
I said this to my daughter, if you don't practice the guitar, when you get older you wouldn't be able to play it. It's that simple. If you want to play the guitar, you put a half hour in everyday, but you have to do it.
Woody Allen
I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
Woody Allen
Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
Woody Allen
This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
Woody Allen
I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
Woody Allen
Visually I've always liked the 20s 30s for film. I do these because I like the music. I like the clothes. I like the way the women and the guys look. There are soldiers and sailors and gangsters with the machine guns in their violin cases. It's a very colorful era of New York, full of great theater and great nightclubs and great jazz.
Woody Allen
I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
Woody Allen
If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.
Woody Allen
Every time you make a movie it's a new and different experience. You learn very little from the past. So, I'm a little bit better than I was when I first started.
Woody Allen
For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.
Woody Allen
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
Woody Allen
