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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Make
Funny
Jobs
Film
Persons
Person
Witty
Done
Humorous
Feel
Miserable
Feels
Films

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My brain? It's my second favorite organ!
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[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
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Ninety percent of life is just showing up.
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You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.
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I write the script nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not.
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.
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Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.
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There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
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I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.
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I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
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The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
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You can be with your wife, very happily married, and then you meet some woman and you love her. But you love your wife, too. And you also love that one. Or if she's met some man and she loves the man and she loves you. And then you meet somebody else and now there are three of you. Why only one person?
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
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I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.
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I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.
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A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
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Some women feel power is important, some women feel that looks are important, tenderness, intelligence...but sense of humor seems to permeate all of them.
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I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
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