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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Witty
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Miserable
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More quotes by Woody Allen
Your audience teaches you how to be funny.
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
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I want to return to the womb, anyone's.
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he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something
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Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships.
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Meanwhile, the minute you put on the dotted line your Sam Hancock - and before a notary - you'll not only get the negative but Elsie makes a wonderful stuffed cabbage which we'll include gratis a few portions but return the jars please.
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
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Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs.
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I didn't know he was dead I thought he was British.
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[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
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A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.
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I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me 'cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
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We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices.
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I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.
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I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man's plight in this mysterious universe.
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
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The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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I could turn on my radio in the morning when I was getting dressed for school and hear Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman and think this is the music. Now that music is art. Ellington is art. At that time it was just what you heard on the radio. Cole Porter was just a guy who wrote pretty songs and Billie Holliday would sing them.
Woody Allen
