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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Two
Reflexes
Pushed
Car
Guys
Humor
Guy
Funny
Running
More quotes by Woody Allen
We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
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With me it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.
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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.
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My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
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It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all.
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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What was the scandal? I fell in love with this girl, married her. We have been married for almost 15 years now.
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If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would be sitting there and be thinking, Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate? Who wants to think about that stuff
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
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I want to return to the womb, anyone's.
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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
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I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you.
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[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
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My films are misinterpreted all the time. I don't mind that. Everybody's films are misinterpreted. But there's no malice or stupidity in the people that misinterpret them. You know what you do, but someone else sees it, and they want to talk about it or write about it, and so they misinterpret them.
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The audience is making the film and not the film-maker.
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.
Woody Allen
