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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Enough
Astounded
Hard
Metaphysics
Way
Humor
People
Funny
Universe
Science
Around
Find
Chinatown

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I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.
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Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
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History is the same thing over and over again.
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I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
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I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.
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I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
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Music has always helped my films. In 'The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,' you can hear 'Sunrise' by Glenn Miller, an idol of my childhood, in the surprise ending. I like mixing comedy with suspense and action.
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
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There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
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If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
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