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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Funny
Agnostic
Inspirational
Sunday
Trying
Witty
Humorous
Atheist
Findings
Finding
God
Plumber
More quotes by Woody Allen
People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.
Woody Allen
I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something.
Woody Allen
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
Woody Allen
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
Woody Allen
Some people think about sex all the time some people think of sex some of the time and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.
Woody Allen
A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.
Woody Allen
[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
Woody Allen
I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude.
Woody Allen
Of all human weakness obsession is the most dangerous. And the silliest.
Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
If I could change the structure of existence I would do it. I could see a better way to live for everybody.
Woody Allen
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
Woody Allen
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Woody Allen
All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
Woody Allen
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
Woody Allen
The audience is making the film and not the film-maker.
Woody Allen
Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.
Woody Allen
I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
Woody Allen
The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought.
Woody Allen
