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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Humorous
Atheist
Findings
Finding
God
Plumber
Funny
Agnostic
Inspirational
Sunday
Trying
Witty
More quotes by Woody Allen
I am two with nature.
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My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
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I always write the same way. I always write with a yellow pad and a ballpoint pen on my bed. And then I go and type it up afterwards. I've always done that. Those things become habitual.
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When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
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If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.
Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
Woody Allen
I wish my parents had raised me in Manhattan because I think it's the greatest thing you can do for a kid is to raise them in New York City. I can see this with my own children.
Woody Allen
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
Woody Allen
I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person.
Woody Allen
With me it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.
Woody Allen
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
Woody Allen
I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
Woody Allen
I always feel the cynicism is reality with maybe an alternate spelling or something because I feel that I have real perspective on this particular issue of punishment in society.
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There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
Woody Allen
I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you.
Woody Allen
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
Woody Allen
I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.
Woody Allen
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Woody Allen
