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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood I was breast-fed through falsies.
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Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
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I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
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Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?
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A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.
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Some people think about sex all the time some people think of sex some of the time and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.
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I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep.
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For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
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[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
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Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
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The content dictates the style all the time. That's the way it is. If the content of the film - as in Husbands and Wives - is highly jagged, neurotic, fast-paced, nervous New York film, it just called for that kind of shooting, editing and performance.
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If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your marriage is open and you're allowed to, that's no good either. There's no way, really in the end, to be happy unless you get very lucky.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him.
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I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.
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