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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Imitate
Television
Funny
Business
Doesn
Art
Life
Imitates

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You use sex to express every emotion except love.
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If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.
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I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me 'cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
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After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.
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Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively.
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My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
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What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
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In real life I'm not the character I play in my films. I'm reasonably competent, I work very hard, I'm disciplined, I lead a very middle class life. I work in the mornings, I have lunch, I practise my clarinet, I go to the movies, I eat out in restaurants or watch ball games on television or at the ball games.
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
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I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK)
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
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