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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Art
Life
Imitates
Imitate
Television
Funny
Business
Doesn

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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
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There is something about big cities that turns me on, and for whatever mysterious reason, places like New York and Paris inspire me. I think it's because cities represent civilization, and as crime-ridden and broken down as some of them are, it's still better than skipping through a meadow.
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I hope you're getting this down.
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your marriage is open and you're allowed to, that's no good either. There's no way, really in the end, to be happy unless you get very lucky.
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A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
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It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely.
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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
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Once the movie's over, there's not much point. When the thing is edited, mixed, and color-corrected, and you've finished it... In my case, I never read anything about it, I never think about it.
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I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
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If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
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