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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Poet
Tree
Probably
Nature
Bark
Hard
Sarcasm
Make
Sarcastic
Figure
Figures

More quotes by Woody Allen

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I write the script nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not.
Woody Allen
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen
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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.
Woody Allen
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Over the years I've never written or made movies about political themes 'cause while they do have current critical importance, in the large, large scheme of things, only the big questions matter and the answers to those big questions are very, very depressing.
Woody Allen
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.
Woody Allen
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
Woody Allen
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People make films for different reasons. For money. Or, they make them because something in them demands artistic expression. I do it because I enjoy the work.
Woody Allen
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Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
Woody Allen
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If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently.
Woody Allen
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Better not think too much. Relying more on the body: it is more trustworthy.
Woody Allen
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
Woody Allen
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No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game.
Woody Allen
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Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.
Woody Allen
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No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
Woody Allen
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
Woody Allen
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We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
Woody Allen
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When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?
Woody Allen
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
Woody Allen
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.
Woody Allen
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
Woody Allen