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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen
If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your marriage is open and you're allowed to, that's no good either. There's no way, really in the end, to be happy unless you get very lucky.
Woody Allen
[Stanley] Kubrick was a great artist and a perfectionist. He always wanted the exact right thing. He did a million takes. Everything had to be perfect. I'm an imperfectionist. I don't really care that much about the work. I write quickly. I'm careless. I shoot carelessly.
Woody Allen
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
Woody Allen
The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.
Woody Allen
They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.
Woody Allen
If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field.
Woody Allen
A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.
Woody Allen
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen
I work all the time because it's a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.
Woody Allen
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
Woody Allen
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
Woody Allen
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
Woody Allen
My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.
Woody Allen
The wicked at heart probably know something.
Woody Allen
I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want
Woody Allen
Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?
Woody Allen
No one ever wants the whole script. I give the whole script to people who require the whole script but to those people who don't require the whole script I don't give it to them and no one cares. They're relieved not to have to read extra pages that they're not in.
Woody Allen
Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
Woody Allen
The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
Woody Allen
