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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Sadism
Sadistic
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy.
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
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Death is an acquired trait.
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I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence.
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
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This stuff tastes awful I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store.
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He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester.
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
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Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.
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Some women feel power is important, some women feel that looks are important, tenderness, intelligence...but sense of humor seems to permeate all of them.
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With me it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.
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I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman.
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But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
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I was raised in a religious home. It was unreasonable enforced religion that turned me off it. It was a joyless, unpleasant, stupid, barbaric thing when I was a child and I've never gotten over that feeling. If you're talking about religion it's one thing I don't hold Jewish religion with any more seriousness than I would any other.
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.
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