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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Watch
Humor
Deathbed
Proud
Pocket
Comedy
Sold
Funny
Grandfather
Life
Pockets
Gold
Watches

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My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.
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Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one
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I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.
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To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun.
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You make films whether they're dramas or comedies about neurotic people. Flawed people. Interesting personality traits. To make them about calm, stable untroubled people isn't interesting.
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All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.
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I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
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Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
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I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
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My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
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Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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