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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Humor
Practice
Funny
Good
Lover
Witty
Lovers
Sex

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Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
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I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
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I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it.
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I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man's plight in this mysterious universe.
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Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep.
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I wouldn't mind dying so much if it wasn't that I would be dead at the end of it.
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
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What was the scandal? I fell in love with this girl, married her. We have been married for almost 15 years now.
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I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger.
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
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I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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There's no point in looking back, because there's nothing you can really do to improve the film. You can only aggravate and wish you had done stuff better.
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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