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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Make
Humour
Failed
Height
Chess
Comedy
Team
Funny

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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything.
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Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.
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I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
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The heart wants what it wants.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
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The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
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90% of success in life is showing up
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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Better not think too much. Relying more on the body: it is more trustworthy.
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At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.
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Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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I foresee death by culture shock.
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Rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment.
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Everything in life turns out to be a distraction from the real thing you want to do. There are a million distractions and when I was a kid I was very disciplined. I knew that the other kids weren't. I was the one able to do the thing, not because I had more talent, maybe less, but because they simply weren't applying themselves.
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I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed.
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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