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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Chess
Comedy
Team
Funny
Make
Humour
Failed
Height

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Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen I want to live on in my apartment.
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I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
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To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it.
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A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates.
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I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes.
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All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
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Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.
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I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me 'cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
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It's hard for me to know. I'll think, 'I really brought off my ideas, it's great,' and no one sparks to it
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I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
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Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively.
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
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I think, on both sides of the camera or the novel: Distraction. I'm obsessed with: Can I get this actress or my third act to work? I'm distracted. I'm interested in that so I don't sit home and think, Gee, life is meaningless. We're all going to die. The universe is pulling apart at breakneck speed.
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Marriage is the death of hope.
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To be a film director is not a democracy, it's really a tyranny. You're the head of the project, for better rather than worse. I write the film and I direct the film, I decide who's going to be in it, I decide on the editing, I put in the music from my own record collection.
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
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All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it.
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