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You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Hundred
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Hedonism
More quotes by Woody Allen
In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny.
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Well, if I don't get at least 16 hours, I'm a basket case.
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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
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Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
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I'm awash in self-contempt!
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Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.
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Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
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I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
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Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
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My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
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I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.
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If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
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The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't.
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