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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Giving
Humor
Banking
Would
Name
Skepticism
Like
Names
Bank
Clear
Witty
Deposit
Funny
Humorous
Deposits
Making
Atheist
Atheistic
Money
Sign
Swiss
Give
Large
Bankers

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I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
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To be a film director is not a democracy, it's really a tyranny. You're the head of the project, for better rather than worse. I write the film and I direct the film, I decide who's going to be in it, I decide on the editing, I put in the music from my own record collection.
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My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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Once the movie's over, there's not much point. When the thing is edited, mixed, and color-corrected, and you've finished it... In my case, I never read anything about it, I never think about it.
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But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
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Why ruin a good story with the truth?
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He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion... no, make that: he - he romanticized it all out of proportion. Yes. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin.
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I think I've gotten technically better over the years but you'd have to be a fool not to. I've made so many movies that by sheer quantity you get better at the technique.
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People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
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As the author you know how you want it to appear on screen and it's always the content dictating the form.
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You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.
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Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
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Our love, our love will last forever. It's forever but it just doesn't work. That's why it will always be romantic because it can not be complete.
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