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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Would
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Skepticism
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Names
Bank
Clear
Witty
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Funny
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Making
Atheist
Atheistic
Money
Sign
Swiss
Give
Large
Bankers
Giving
Humor
Banking
More quotes by Woody Allen
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.
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Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope.
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I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.
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In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you've left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you. It's the change of venue, the unblocking the attempt to force the ideas that's crippling you when you're trying to write.
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.
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I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed.
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I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.
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I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
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People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.
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I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.
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I always felt that the problems of the world would never ever be solved until people came to terms with the deeper issues [spiritual] - that there would be an aimless reshuffling of world leaders and governments and programs.
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Comedians have a tendency to have a limited range, they tend to do one thing and do it very well, but it's limited.
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