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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Death
Salesman
Ever
Insurance
Things
Fishing
Life
Evening
Suicide
Spent
Worse
Funny
Provocative
More quotes by Woody Allen
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
Woody Allen
Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.
Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
Woody Allen
I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public quite brilliantly.
Woody Allen
Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
Woody Allen
Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
Woody Allen
Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
Woody Allen
Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively.
Woody Allen
Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
Woody Allen
Rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment.
Woody Allen
There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important.
Woody Allen
The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!
Woody Allen
A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
Woody Allen
Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
Woody Allen
There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
Woody Allen
No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game.
Woody Allen
I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
Woody Allen
There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith.
Woody Allen
I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one.
Woody Allen
