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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Else
Someone
Life
Witty
Humorous
Humility
Regret
Funny

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My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.
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I foresee death by culture shock.
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My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.
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When a film is reviled, you open a film and people say Oh, it's the stupidest thing, it's the worst movie. You think: oh, nobody's going to ever speak to you again. But, it doesn't happen. Nobody cares. You know, they read it and they say Oh, they hated your film. You care, at the time. But they don't. Nobody else cares.
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Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it.
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I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.
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Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
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Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
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[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
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I always feel the cynicism is reality with maybe an alternate spelling or something because I feel that I have real perspective on this particular issue of punishment in society.
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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
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I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
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You can be with your wife, very happily married, and then you meet some woman and you love her. But you love your wife, too. And you also love that one. Or if she's met some man and she loves the man and she loves you. And then you meet somebody else and now there are three of you. Why only one person?
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I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.
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I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.
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When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
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The French make two mistakes about me. They think I'm an intellectual because I wear these glasses and they think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
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