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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Humorous
Humility
Regret
Funny
Else
Someone
Life
Witty

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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
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The audience is making the film and not the film-maker.
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Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
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I am plagued by doubts.
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
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You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.
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You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent.
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
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Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours.
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I never have an alter ego in the movies. That's a fiction that the press has made up over the years, and it's fun to write that. It gives them something to write.
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I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.
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My brain? It's my second favorite organ!
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No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
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