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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Immediately
Hilarious
Humorous
Homosexuality
Sexy
Homosexual
Gay
Saturday
Risque
Sex
Chances
Bisexuality
Chance
Date
Doubles
Funny
Dating
Bisexual
Night
Sexuality
Orientation

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Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
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Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
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Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer.
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I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not. ­
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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
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Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.
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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
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I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?
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[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.
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The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought.
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