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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Something
Unfortunately
Believe
Witty
Humorous
Watching
Humor
Politics
Funny
Government
More quotes by Woody Allen
I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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Better not think too much. Relying more on the body: it is more trustworthy.
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I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
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Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships.
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
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Death is an acquired trait.
Woody Allen
They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
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I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Woody Allen
We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
Woody Allen
The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
Woody Allen
Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.
Woody Allen
I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
Woody Allen
