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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Laughing
Tell
Make
Thinking
Life
Hipster
Laughter
Laugh
Plans

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday
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But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we'd need valet parking.
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It's all through the actors I cannot write in that idiom
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles.
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.
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You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
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I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
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To be a film director is not a democracy, it's really a tyranny. You're the head of the project, for better rather than worse. I write the film and I direct the film, I decide who's going to be in it, I decide on the editing, I put in the music from my own record collection.
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.
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I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.
Woody Allen