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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Plans
Laughing
Tell
Make
Thinking
Life
Hipster
Laughter
Laugh

More quotes by Woody Allen

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I'm awash in self-contempt!
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And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
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I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
Woody Allen
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off.
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...
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... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
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I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way.
Woody Allen
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.
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I'm going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Woody Allen
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen
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Over the years I've never written or made movies about political themes 'cause while they do have current critical importance, in the large, large scheme of things, only the big questions matter and the answers to those big questions are very, very depressing.
Woody Allen
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I write the script nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not.
Woody Allen
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I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.
Woody Allen
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Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.
Woody Allen
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The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.
Woody Allen