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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Tell
Make
Thinking
Life
Hipster
Laughter
Laugh
Plans
Laughing
More quotes by Woody Allen
Fantasy is seductive and much more wonderful than reality, but you can't take it to the bank. It's always an escape. And if used as an escape, as in attending a movie or a show for a circumscribed period of time, it's fine. When it starts to become undifferentiated from reality, it leads to big trouble.
Woody Allen
That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
Woody Allen
Paranoia is knowing all the facts.
Woody Allen
When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
Woody Allen
I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Woody Allen
There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Woody Allen
Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
Woody Allen
See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
Woody Allen
It's easier to direct. If you direct something poorly and re-shoot it the next day, stage it better, make it work better, you have a lot of possibilities. You can edit it in certain ways so that it works, but there's no getting around weaknesses of the script.
Woody Allen
I am two with nature.
Woody Allen
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Woody Allen
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Woody Allen
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field.
Woody Allen
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Woody Allen
The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.
Woody Allen
