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I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Rabbi
Protestant
Protestants
Priest
Minister
Priests
Ministers
Bets
Hedge

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I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.
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Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
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I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
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The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.
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In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch Tact is the clever footwork.
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Florida was invented for Addison Mizner's little brother.
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If you count all your assets you always show a profit.
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The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
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All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
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The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.
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There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
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Women can instantly see through each other, and it's surprising how little they observe that's pleasant.
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I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'
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I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
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Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.
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It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.
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He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
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What feeling is so nice as a child's hand in yours? So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp.
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