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The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Pitiful
Greed
Human
Humans
Heart
Ailment
Ailments

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The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
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Women can instantly see through each other, and it's surprising how little they observe that's pleasant.
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Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.
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I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
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Count 10 over him - he'll get up
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God help those who do not help themselves.
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The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
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I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
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The first hundred years are the hardest.
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The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.
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Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
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To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
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I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
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I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
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There's nothing so comfortable as a small bankroll. A big one is always in danger.
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Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
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I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
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A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.
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It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.
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Gambling: A sure way to get nothing from something.
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