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The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Heart
Ailment
Ailments
Pitiful
Greed
Human
Humans

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I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
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I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.
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Women can instantly see through each other, and it's surprising how little they observe that's pleasant.
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There's nothing so comfortable as a small bankroll. A big one is always in danger.
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All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
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The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.
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The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
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Gambling: A sure way to get nothing from something.
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A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
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A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.
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To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
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He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
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A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
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I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
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The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
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Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.
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The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
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Florida was invented for Addison Mizner's little brother.
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Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you
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The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
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