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The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Ailment
Ailments
Pitiful
Greed
Human
Humans
Heart

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The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
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Failure has gone to his head.
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The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
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He's a trellis for varicose veins.
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Gambling: A sure way to get nothing from something.
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If you count all your assets you always show a profit.
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You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
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Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
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There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
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God help those who do not help themselves.
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I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
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The first hundred years are the hardest.
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I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
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The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
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Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.
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To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
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Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.
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The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
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Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.
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I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
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