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God help those who do not help themselves.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Helping
Atheism
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More quotes by Wilson Mizner

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I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
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The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
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A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
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The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.
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The first hundred years are the hardest.
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He's a trellis for varicose veins.
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The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
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The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
Wilson Mizner
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A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.
Wilson Mizner
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If you steal from one author it's plagiarism if you steal from many it's research.
Wilson Mizner
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The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
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I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
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I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
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A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.
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There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
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Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
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A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
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To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
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I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
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The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
Wilson Mizner