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Failure has gone to his head.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Work
Sarcastic
Failure
Head
Gone

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The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
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The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
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Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
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A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.
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The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
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The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
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Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
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I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.
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The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.
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Anybody who can write home for money can write for magazines.
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I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
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The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
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You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
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The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.
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If you count all your assets you always show a profit.
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Easy street is a blind alley.
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I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.
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I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.
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I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
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