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He's a trellis for varicose veins.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Veins
Sarcastic

More quotes by Wilson Mizner

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The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.
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The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
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He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
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I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
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Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you
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To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
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A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
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Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
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The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
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The first hundred years are the hardest.
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If you steal from one author it's plagiarism if you steal from many it's research.
Wilson Mizner
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Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.
Wilson Mizner
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You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
Wilson Mizner
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The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
Wilson Mizner
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I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'
Wilson Mizner
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Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.
Wilson Mizner
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I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
Wilson Mizner
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Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
Wilson Mizner
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The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
Wilson Mizner
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All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
Wilson Mizner