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The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Finds
Success
Gents
Wakes
Asleep
Hasn

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There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
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He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
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A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.
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Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
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Gambling: A sure way to get nothing from something.
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The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
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The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
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To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
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Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
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I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.
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I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
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A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.
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I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.
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Easy street is a blind alley.
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It is criminal negligence to leave suckers lying around to tempt honest men.
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I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
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The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.
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I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.
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Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.
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To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
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