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I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Fortune
Leave
Ever
Ample
Lawyers
Lawyer
Contact
Convinced

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It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.
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The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
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Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.
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What feeling is so nice as a child's hand in yours? So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp.
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There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
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All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
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If you count all your assets you always show a profit.
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Florida was invented for Addison Mizner's little brother.
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The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
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I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.
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I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'
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A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
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He's a trellis for varicose veins.
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Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
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The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
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Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.
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In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch Tact is the clever footwork.
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Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.
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A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
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I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
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