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I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Rather
Mile
Square
Squares
Miles
Guy

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Women can instantly see through each other, and it's surprising how little they observe that's pleasant.
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I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.
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The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
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Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
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If you count all your assets you always show a profit.
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He's a trellis for varicose veins.
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The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
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Florida was invented for Addison Mizner's little brother.
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I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
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It is criminal negligence to leave suckers lying around to tempt honest men.
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A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
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The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
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A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.
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I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.
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The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.
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The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
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Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.
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To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
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The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.
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Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you
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