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I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

Wilson Mizner

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Wilson Mizner
Age: 56 †
Born: 1876
Born: May 19
Died: 1933
Died: April 3
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Benicia
California
Square
Squares
Miles
Guy
Rather
Mile

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He's a trellis for varicose veins.
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Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
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Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
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Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you
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Women can instantly see through each other, and it's surprising how little they observe that's pleasant.
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I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
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The first hundred years are the hardest.
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Anybody who can write home for money can write for magazines.
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Don't talk about yourself it will be done when you leave.
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A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.
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The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
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The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
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God help those who do not help themselves.
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I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.
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Count 10 over him - he'll get up
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It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.
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The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
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Failure has gone to his head.
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The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.
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A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
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