One of the few certainties in life is that persons of certainty should certainly be avoided.

I'm not sayin' she's a bragger, but if you've been to Paradise, she's got a season ticket.

I pray that no child of mine would ever descend into such a place as a library. They are indeed most dangerous places and unfortunate is she or he who is lured into such a hellhole of enjoyment, stimulus, facts, passion and fun.

Marriage is like the Middle East, isn't it? There's no solution.

She divorced her husband, y' know. I never knew him, it was before I met Jane. Apparently she came back from work one mornin' an' found her husband in bed with the milkman. With the milkman, honest to God. Well, apparently, from that day forward Jane was a feminist. An' I've noticed, she never takes milk in her tea.